What I think marketing academics do.

Imagine you're in competition with Charles Darwin to formulate a theory of evolution, and a bunch of aliens landed on the little island where you are doing research just before your arrival.

It takes a village,

but I have decided I am not going to care as much as you do. Do you care that your kid was out playing chicken with my car last night? Do you care that I wish I'd hit him, just to teach him a lesson?

That'll teach me to stay up doing homework.

I'd like to crawl under a rock now.

Go Away.

Once again, koalabear100 is the only person who 1) remembers the password, 2) remembers the right contact people, and 3) can keep all the processes straight.

So why is breakfast only a dim memory, and why can't I remember any important details, like the 4P's?

Dear UF,

You have a fine MBA school. I get it. Today, you sent me three flyers to tell me this. Two of them were identical.

Tragically, I am happy with my current program and shall remain unswayed by your cardstock flyers, regardless of how many identical or otherwise ones you send to me.

Sincerely,

Happy Holidays.

There is nothing wrong with the phrase. When I mean Merry Christmas, I will wish you one. When I mean Happy New Year, I will say so.

When I say Happy Holidays, I mean it. It includes Christmas, New Year, and whatever else you choose to celebrate in the next two weeks. It can even include your birthday, if your birthday falls within that window.

And if you don't celebrate any of this? Well same to you, bucko.

Tinnitus.

I keep hearing the phone...

You can learn a lot by watching "The Simpsons".

The monorail was a disaster for Springfield. It has sentimental value in Seattle, but try as you might, it won't have transportation value there, either.

Architects are guilty too

But not as guilty because you cannot fundamentally alter IPC, just omit certain key contributions. In Accounting, on the other hand, you can rename things in clever ways.

Reconstructed! Sort of

Chocolate Truffles

just over 1/2 lb. good-quality dark chocolate, 8.8 oz. to be exact
just over 1/2 c. heavy cream
good slug of brandy

Bring the cream to a gentle boil. Shut off heat and stir in chocolate until incorporated. Stir in brandy. Transfer to a bowl.

Beat the mixture with an electric mixer until it (the mixture not the mixer) lightens in color and becomes thicker. Transfer the mixture to a flat container. Cover and chill.

Cut the mixture into pieces and dust with cocoa powder. Keep cool.

Next task: experiment with flavors other than brandy.

Lord Acton got it right.

Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. And there's nothing like election day to make his point.

Maybe spitwads are the answer.

The guy next to me has a voice that carries. He spends a lot of time on the phone. He is aware of all of this and made a symbolic gesture toward addressing the issue. The symbolic gesture quickly went by the wayside. I can't keep turning up the headphones. Certain broadcasts cause them to pulse.

Ham Sandwiches

I've found the recipes on epicurious.com to be generally reliable. The comments from the reviewers also tend to be useful because more often than not they come from relatively seasoned cooks with a reasonable sense of what works, what doesn't, and what would probably taste good.

The comments can also be quite entertaining. For example, a comment on a turkey meatloaf recipe might read, "I made this with beef and pork instead of the turkey, and put a ketchup glaze on top instead of the curry. Oh, and instead of the carrots and zucchini, I put in more onions and a little oregano, just like my Dad used to. It was fantastic!" I find these comments hilarious because once you've done all that, it's not really a turkey meatloaf anymore, is it?

When this happens, I'm reminded of the time I had a coupon for a ham sandwich and soda from the campus coffee shop. They didn't have ham, and they didn't have bread aside from a few bagels left from breakfast. So, instead of the ham, they gave me lettuce, and instead of the bread, they gave me croutons, tomatoes, a few Kalamata olives, and a little Parmesean cheese.

It was a lovely salad, but it was surely the strangest ham sandwich I'd ever had.

*snicker*

I just named it log_root.

Wait a minute.

Where did all these meetings come from?

Dear Spammers,

I don't know what kind of simple-minded sucker you think I am. You seem to have this weird notion that any mention of sex, racism, politics, debauchery, and possibly gambling will catch my attention. My friends and I are all intelligent human beings. We do not spend our days thinking about sex, sex, and debauchery. You know that bit about Britney Spears being one of the most popular Google searches? I assure you I had nothing to do with it. If you want to impress me, put up some intelligent spam. Go on, I dare you.

Dear Hostess (and spammers),

Please find a way to make a whole-wheat Twinkie. I am sure you can do it. It will surely be a better breakfast option than Sara's preservative-laden 100% Whole Wheat Bread.

Dear Sara (and assorted spammers),

It was very clever of you to say that your 100% Whole Wheat Bread is "better" for me. It definitely is "better" for me than a Twinkie. However, the preservatives you added make for a depressing counterpoint to all the ways in which you try to play up the naturalness and healthfulness of your product.

Another experiment.

Sex! Debauchery! Spam!

MNN. (My News Network)

I don't understand why none of the news networks have tickers worth reading. It took a good 10 minutes yesterday (and three channel changes) to figure out what was wrong with that JetBlue plane. There was plenty of footage of the front tire blowing apart and sparks all over the runway. The captions mentioned JetBlue, LAX, and something dire, but they never mentioned why the situation was so scary. And what is more, the announcer guy never mentioned why the situation was scary. Instead, he talked about what a great landing it was.

Well. There you go. I guess it's an indictment of society today. We want to know what happened, but we could care less why it happened.

I am sure tonight there will be plenty of interviews with various passengers. There will be the usual comments about how scary it was, whether it was good/bad to watch it on the television screen (personally I think that's very cool), and how professional and level-headed the crew were.

Maybe I'll watch that M*A*S*H rerun instead.