Roasted Chestnuts

1. Poke an X in the curved side with the tip of a very sharp knife. Serrated knives won't work; that's how I nicked a finger. Aim for the curved side because that lets you press the flat side against a cutting board. Plates won't work. And forget about only cutting through the shell. How can you tell you haven't punctured the nutmeat?
2. Arrange the chestnuts in a single layer in an enameled cast-iron pot. The heavy lid is important--if a chestnut explodes, the heavy pot contains the mess nicely.
3. Place said pot in a 350-degree oven. Bake for roughly 20 minutes, until the shells show black spots and they start peeling back at the X. Or some other location. It appeared rather arbitrary.
4. Take out the pot and put it over a medium-low flame on the stove. This will keep the chestnuts warm while you are peeling them.
5. Peel the chestnuts, using a paper towel to help you hold them. Keep a small knife on hand to help with the fibrous parts. Use the tip of said knife to dig out the meat because peeling only works well in theory.
6. Dip hands occasionally in cool water to stave off burns.

Verdict: forget it. I'm staring at the nick on my finger right now.

Question of the day.

Why is it, whenever I'm recovering from a cold, that all the goo in my chest comes out my nose while I'm still stuck with a nagging cough?

Whee...

Some ideas for Wii game titles, just in case they haven't been done yet. (I'm still building out my knowledge. For all I know they've been done.)

* Wii Curling: the thrill of curling without the ice.
* Wii Plumber: make housecalls and fix emergency leaks.
* Wii Painter: Van Gogh never had an electronic canvas.
* Wii Sculptor: carve marble, wood, or form whatever you want, and possibly even have the option to order real versions of your design.
* Wii House Painter: requires business acumen but no artistic talent.
* Wii Handyperson: now you have to diagnose the problem.
* Wii Auto Mechanic: now you're fixing cars.
* Wii Botanist: like Endless Ocean, but in the jungle, with animals you probably shouldn't pet.
* Wii Deadliest Catch: like Rock Band, but without the special toys and with lots of crab.
* Wii Dentist: like Trauma Center, but without the urgency and with lots of teeth.

There's a special place.

There's a special place for people who

* come to work sick
* turn then signal
* don't wash their hands after going to the restroom
* don't clean up their exploded food from the microwave
* hide in the back row when there are other seats available, and refuse to move when asked
* take up multiple parking spaces
* don't turn on their headlights in the rain
* don't read the question before answering
* believe that if they're not interested in it, no one is
* drive slowly in the left lane
* pass in the right lane

Question of the day.

How would a turkey roasted Cantonese-style taste?

Question of the day.

We don't wear suits in Silicon Valley. Is the badge on a lanyard the pathogen-carrying tech equivalent of the necktie?

Maybe I was wrong to ask for stock.

I am the proud owner of a Wii. It is the first game console I've ever owned, partly because I've been put off by the prospect of paying a premium for older graphics, partly because I've been put off by the prospect of having to keep buying new games for what was sure to become obsolete.

After all, cookbooks pay off more, don't they? And stocks pay real dividends.

Now I'm reconsidering this line of thought. A video game console is indeed something every well-rounded kid should own, along with the bookshelf of good books (containing the Anne of Green Gables, Chronicles of Narnia, and Lord of the Rings series, as well a bunch of others that escape my mind at the moment).

One weekend of suffering a strained shoulder from Wii tennis, and another weekend of carpal tunnel from Williams Pinball is downright embarrassing. Definitely something that could have been averted had I bothered to play my friends' consoles earlier in life.

Products I hope never go away.

* Swiffer in the mop and duster form.
* The bug killer from Home Depot that comes in the gray bottle.
* Rickshaw tea.
* Unsalted chicken broth in the aseptic carton.
* Engineering graph paper.
* Those little palmier cookies at Costco.
* Schweppes Ginger Beer, Bitter Lemon, Grapefruit, Dry Ginger Ale, and Cream Soda, in that order.
* Disinfecting wipes.
* Neutrogena clarifying shampoo.
* Coke One.
* Trader Joe's dark chocolate-covered caramels.
* Act in its original, non-alcoholic, 0.05% fluoride form. It boggles the mind that other mouthwashes don't offer fluoride.

Discontinued products I wish they would bring back.

* Trader Joe's Gummi Chewies, both the ones shaped like fruits and the "tropical" ones shaped like animals.
* Trader Joe's Gummi Bears.
* Trader Joe's mango sauce. At least I thought they made one at some point. Now I'm disappointed because I want to experiment with mango turnovers.
* Robitussin Cough and Cold, the kind with pseudophedrine.
* Trader Joe's ladyfingers.
* Haagen-Dazs burnt caramel.
* Ben and Jerry's White Russian.
* Costco French chocolates, not the Swiss ones.
* Costco caramel nut frozen yogurt topping.
* Costco hot lattes and mochas.
* Yoplait guava.
* Trader Joe's rice senbei.

Shrimp in "Crazy Water", Modified

Ingredients
~24 shrimp, thawed
1 c Corona Light
0.5 c unsalted chicken broth
1 small yellow onion, sliced into thin half-moons
2 cloves garlic, smashed
couple shakes red pepper flakes
2 small handfuls sugar plum tomatoes, halved
couple tablespoons olive oil

Method
1. Saute onion and garlic until the onion turns translucent and slightly golden.
2. Add (carefully) beer and broth, and tomatoes. Simmer 10 minutes.
3. Add shrimp and cover until done.

The truth about black grapes.

They probably contain more antioxidants.

They probably taste different than the red and green ones.

None of that matters.

They just look cooler, that's all.

Question of the day.

How many cooking games do we really need for the Nintendo DS?

Thought of the day.

The Democratic National Convention looks great in HD. Now it's time to go watch cartoons.

Homma's Brown Rice Sushi

2363 B Birch St, Palo Alto, CA 94306

* Had the chef's choice Combo #1, $8
* Combo #1 had tuna nigiri, smoked salmon nigiri, couple pieces of white fish nigiri, 3 pieces tuna roll, and 3 pieces cucumber roll
* Also sampled the unagi roll, futomaki, unagi donburi, and spicy smoked salmon asparagus roll

* I didn't realize brown sushi rice could stick together about as well as the white kind.
* The texture of the rice was nicely chewy (but not overly so) and the fish and other ingredients were very fresh. The fillings were nicely proportioned to the rice as well as to each other.
* The rice itself seemed to have a wasabi kick. This offset the slight nuttiness of the rice but was surprising at first.
* The unagi was very good, with the skin nicely broiled to give it a crispy charred edge. I think it worked better in the roll because it the texture of the skin was immediately offset by the texture of the rice. However, the donburi is a better choice if you want to focus on the eel.
* Since there is only one chef, it takes a while to get your order. Although it is worth the wait, the wait itself is a test of patience.
* As with all sushi, I found everything on the salty side.

Costco Polish a la Japadog

Ingredients
1 Costco Polish sausage with bun from the deli
2 tbl thick Korean barbeque sauce (teriyaki works too)
1 snack pack seasoned nori seaweed

Method
* Apply sauce.
* Shred seaweed and top sausage.

I'm off the bagged spinach.

I was so grossed out last night I neglected to take a photo. The underside of one leaf of my spinach contained a neat cluster of little grey spheres. They were either insect eggs or styrofoam packing material of some sort. The meal ended right there.

The e-coli didn't get me, the foreign matter did.

Question of the day.

You know what's great about summer? Being able to eat a bowl of blueberries like I would a bowl of cereal. Only it's blueberries, not cereal.

So Gong Dong Tofu House

4127 El Camino Real, Palo Alto, CA 94306

* Had the combination tofu stew (no spice), $9.24
* Nice smooth tofu stew with bits of beef, clam, and a couple whole shrimp.
* Rice was mixed with a little black rice and beans, giving everything a reddish hue. Perhaps J can fill me in on what it's called when that is done and why it's done.
* Banchan included kimchi, seaweed in ketchup/spicy sauce, pickled cucumber, potato, garlicky bean sprouts, and those clear noodles stirfried in sesame oil.

* I liked the rice, that the stew contained very little onion, the flavor of the beef, and how the clams miraculously didn't turn into rubber bands. My favorite banchan was the noodles, followed by the potato.
* The ventilation system was a little smoky. Also I think $9.24 is a little pricey for tofu stew, but then, the cheaper option in Santa Clara contains a lot of onion.

Question of the day.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/04/arts/television/04watc.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Solar-powered tanning beds.

Run that by me again?

Banana Chocolate Vivanno

* Banana Chocolate smoothie...sorry, Vivanno, $3.70
* Basically a chocolate banana smoothie. Chocolate part was nice and the drink was not too sweet. The texture was more watery than expected; most smoothies are thicker. Seemed more wholesome than the green tea Frappuccino but the chocolate was the only thing keeping it exciting.
* So we know the cup used 45% less emissions to produce...now what about the straw?

Ramen Club

3924 El Camino Real, Palo Alto, CA 94306

* Had Tonkatsu Ramen, $7.25
* Contained porky broth, ramen noodles, corn, sliced green onion, shredded cabbage, seaweed slivers, 2 slices roasted pork, half a hard-boiled egg, and a slice of roasted seaweed.
* Noodles were nicely al dente and fresh, the broth was salty for my taste but had a nice porky flavor. Broth was not as milky as expected. Hard-boiled egg not overdone, but yolk was soggy from being buried in the broth.
* Meal came with a cup of peachy gelatin.

Question of the day.

Since when is an on/off switch an optional feature?

Thought of the day.

I really don't want to get into a cc battle.

Question of the day.

As people, are we really as idiotic as we think we are, or is it just easier to call everybody idiots?

Question of the day.

See what happens when you don't pay your bills right away?

Question of the day.

This weekend I consumed, among other things,

• barbeque chicken pizza
• hawaiian pizza
• Tim's Cascade jalapeno potato chips
• shrimp chips
• lychees
• cherries

How long do you think it will be before I break out in zits?

Question of the day.

When you detox, where do the pesticides and other junk go?

If it's important, they will call back.

Let this be a lesson to those of you who think everything is so important that you must take the call while driving your car.

Heaven help you if I ever discover you're the one who rang my landline at 4:30 this morning.

I know what I want for Christmas.

Statement of the day.

It's facsinating how even 20/20 vision is fuzzy.

That's two.

I've run over two squirrels with my car.

I hit the first one several years ago. It was sitting in the middle of the lane on a two-lane side street. Most squirrels sense the car's vibrations well in advance and run out of the way. This one just sat there. There was oncoming traffic so I couldn't swerve, and besides, I thought the squirrel would get out of the way. There was traffic behind me so stopping hard was not an option. My front bumper knocked it out.

I hit the second one today. It was zigzagging in my (the left) lane, which was on a four-lane street that sits on the entrance to a freeway. There was a median on my left, and traffic on my right and behind me, so swerving or stopping was again not an option. This one was clearly spooked by all the traffic swirling around and could not decide where to go. I felt a bump as my front right tire dispatched it.

I've never managed to run over a bird. They get away in time. Why can't the squirrels?

Avocado adoration

In all the years I've been shopping, there, I've never realized there is such thing as a Costco-sized avocado. This is mostly because I've shied away from buying five or more avocadoes at a time.

They're fantastic. Today's was gigantic, perfectly ripe with none of the weird brown streaks, and the flesh wasn't disappointingly thin close to the stone. The peel flaked off a bit, but not too badly. The flesh was buttery, savory, and a gorgeous shade of green. It didn't need the drizzle of salad dressing. Come to think of it, nearly all avocadoes and tomatoes I purchase suffer the same fate. They're eaten out of hand with a little dressing. Few ever make it to any sort of recipe.

The avocadoes are imported from Chile. I know, the planet will die as a result. However, the quality far surpassed that of the locally grown fruit. I'm all for reducing food miles, but it's disappointing to have to make such drastic tradeoffs in quality.

Gripes.

I've been sick twice this year. That is, I've been sick twice since January 1, 2008. It is now February.

The first round was just a cold and was relatively mild. It only needed a little pseudophedrine, although I was cranky enough to wrestle any meth-heads for it if it came down to that.

The second round I think was the flu. I caught it at the end of January, a mere week after I got over the first round. Is it a cold, or is it the flu? I couldn't eat properly for a week and lost two pounds as a result. With the flu, I've always assumed one cannot keep much food down. In this situation, I couldn't get it down in the first place. Does that qualify? Textures and flavors of any sort were causing a problem. Rice soaked in soup wouldn't go down. A few bits of English muffin with a little jam did, except I had to call it quits after half the muffin. I've only just added junk food back to my diet.

At any rate, I've got a lingering cough that only flares up when I speak or inhale steam or a strong scent. It doesn't surface when I sleep. I love sleep.

They say if your cough lingers more than a week, it's bronchitis and your should seek professional help. (Arguably, we should all seek professional help, but that's for another day.) If that's true, then I must get bronchitis nearly every time I catch a cold. Every time except the first round. I've downed most of the cough syrup and am trying to keep myself off the stuff. It kills the appetite and you lose two pounds as a result.

I mentioned that I love sleep. This is in direct conflict to the current quarter. This week alone demanded five papers. Two were 4-5 pages, one was 5-8 pages, two were 1 page. We have an assignment due Wednesday which I'm pretending to work on. I'm lost in the numbers and despairing because I signed up for two numeric classes next quarter.

Okay, back to work.

Question of the day.

You know what I dislike? People who announce that they're sick and then proceed to rub their hands all over my desk.

Nearly vanquished.

I've only picked up 10 ants today, and there are no discernible trails left. Finally, I can vacuum the corpses from the baseboards and use the mop handle to run a soggy paper towel between the fridge and the cabinet.

The tally so far:

* The spray chemicals, while highly effective, are noxious to humans and therefore not a great options. I will continue to boycott these as long as possible.

* The Raid baits in the teal box don't work. The box touts it contains *two* kinds of food for the ants. Neither of which the ants like, apparently. It's really expensive to boot, at nearly $6 for four.

* The MaxAttack baits in the red box are awesome. The ants love this stuff and die reasonably quickly. They are inexpensive, at about $2 for four.

* The Ortho Ant-B-Gon traps don't work, according to my pals. Good thing, too, as they are on the pricey side.

* The Raid outdoor stakes may or may not be working. They are not too expensive, at about $9 for six. They live outside, so I'm not too concerned about them.

* The tube bait is going back to the store. I don't like the idea of leaving open bait indoors.

* The clear containers of liquid bait looked incredibly cool. It's a pity they don't actually lure the ants inside, because it would be neat to see drowned ants *inside* the container. They are expensive, at about $5 for four. I bet they don't work.

The ants must die, or why I dislike Woody Allen.

The ants have returned. They are the resilient Argentine variety, the kind with no natural predators except humans. Right now I've got 15 bait stations scattered around my kitchen, a bottle of Windex on standby, and I've taken to walking around the kitchen on paper towels so I can squash the little vermin with my toe when necessary. I spent an hour last night scrubbing down the baseboards with said Windex.

The ants responded by creating an even bigger path from the patio door to the refrigerator, swarming four of the bait stations, and stepping around the rest. I hope this means some of the bait took. I know from experience the sprays are a highly effective neurotoxin, both to the ants and to humans. I'd rather not use them.

I also know from experience that homemade remedies involving honey bait and borax poison do not work. Why? Because Argentine ants are not attracted by sugar. Given sugar, they will swarm it, for sure. They will also swarm water, Windex, Orange-Glo, Pine-Sol, diluted dish soap, bait stations, dead wasps, their newly fallen siblings, dust bunnies, and refrigerators.

The last case happened when I was in grad school. The fridge was particularly old, and the ants particularly mutant. One rainy day, the ants decided to swarm the fridge but none of the food on the counter. The fridge had old seals and so the ants got in. The resulting scene resembled http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Minard.png if you turn the image on its side, picture the freezer on the skinny side on top, and the band made entirely of well-chilled ants.

I spent days shaking the frozen corpses off the peas.

Anyways, the movie "Antz" is all about the survival of the current ant colony thanks to Woody Allen's ant character's neuroses. Forget that. I wish the entire colony would die off and leave my kitchen alone.

Bummed out

They've stopped making Robitussin Cough and Cold liqui-gels.

I am extremely bummed out about this. They were my drug...uh, pharmaceutical...of choice. They were the only thing that worked. Boy howdy, did they work. They sealed up the sniffles and stopped the coughs all in one go, without the nasty taste of cough syrup. They were definitely worth putting my name on that hit list they demand at the pharmacy counter.

Mucinex-D doesn't contain the same active ingredient. It's got pseudophedrine and an expectorant, which is not what I want. I'll hawk a big loogie some other time. I just need to get rid of the coughs (or rather, I will later this week).

So I had to settle for Advil Cold & Sinus (for the pseudophedrine) and a separate bottle of Robitussin Cough Gels (for the cough suppressant). Although it's not the same, I still would have beaten down any meth-head in the parking lot for my pseudophedrine. I need it more than they do.

And for goodness' sake peel the ginger

The skin is nasty to eat. At least wash it before you use it. You don't know where it's been and who else handled it before you, so why would you toss it in the pot as is like the guys on TV do?

Criminy.

Why they're all ripoffs of Cook's Illustrated.

Or, why I post no Chinese recipes.

The Cook's recipes are by far the clearest and easiest to use. Because things are spelled out so well, it's easy to see where you can substitute different ingredients, even if it's not called for.

I don't make stuffed tomatoes or cookies every day, you know. But you would be disappointed with my recipes for Chinese dishes. Case in point:

Braised Chinese Mustard Greens

1 bag Chinese mustard greens (gai choy) (1 bag is the minimum unit they'll sell me)
1 piece (not the entire thing, but enough so the cashier doesn't think you're cheap) ginger, peeled and sliced (Or chunked. The point is no mincing and no paper-thin slices.)
water to cover bottom of pot
dash salt

1. Trim and wash the mustard greens.
2. Find a pot big enough for the greens. Cover the bottom with water and add the salt and ginger. Boil the water.
3. Turn the heat down to medium. Add the greens and cover. Cook until done.

I mean really, there's not much to it.

Stuffed Cherry Tomatoes

Adapted from a Cook's Illustrated recipe.

1 dry pint cherry tomatoes
4 oz goat cheese (most of a TJ log)
6 kalamata olives, rinsed and chopped
1 tbl capers, rinsed and chopped
2 tbl fresh parsley, chopped
drizzle of olive oil

1. Mix the cheese, olives, capers, and parsley. Add enough oil so the mixture holds together.
2. Take the tops off the cherry tomatoes and scoop out their guts. For me, this involved a really small spoon and getting up to my elbows in tomato guts.
3. Spoon the cheese into the tomatoes. I wound up using only half the cheese.

Pros:
* This recipe would be tastier if I had 2 tablespoons olive tapenade, as specified in the original recipe, on hand instead of the capers and olives.
* The cheese is nice on toast.

Cons:
* I thought it could use more olive and less caper. That's what I get for running out of olives.
* I detected a "fishy" taste, which was confirmed by one other person.
* Another person couldn't detect the fishiness, but thought the goat cheese rather strong.
* Gutting a dry pint of cherry tomatoes is surprisingly hard work. Miniature bell peppers would be a better choice as they have a more assertive flavor. However, you'd need to add a squeeze of lemon to the cheese to add a hit of acidity.