Question of the day.

You know what I dislike? People who announce that they're sick and then proceed to rub their hands all over my desk.

Nearly vanquished.

I've only picked up 10 ants today, and there are no discernible trails left. Finally, I can vacuum the corpses from the baseboards and use the mop handle to run a soggy paper towel between the fridge and the cabinet.

The tally so far:

* The spray chemicals, while highly effective, are noxious to humans and therefore not a great options. I will continue to boycott these as long as possible.

* The Raid baits in the teal box don't work. The box touts it contains *two* kinds of food for the ants. Neither of which the ants like, apparently. It's really expensive to boot, at nearly $6 for four.

* The MaxAttack baits in the red box are awesome. The ants love this stuff and die reasonably quickly. They are inexpensive, at about $2 for four.

* The Ortho Ant-B-Gon traps don't work, according to my pals. Good thing, too, as they are on the pricey side.

* The Raid outdoor stakes may or may not be working. They are not too expensive, at about $9 for six. They live outside, so I'm not too concerned about them.

* The tube bait is going back to the store. I don't like the idea of leaving open bait indoors.

* The clear containers of liquid bait looked incredibly cool. It's a pity they don't actually lure the ants inside, because it would be neat to see drowned ants *inside* the container. They are expensive, at about $5 for four. I bet they don't work.

The ants must die, or why I dislike Woody Allen.

The ants have returned. They are the resilient Argentine variety, the kind with no natural predators except humans. Right now I've got 15 bait stations scattered around my kitchen, a bottle of Windex on standby, and I've taken to walking around the kitchen on paper towels so I can squash the little vermin with my toe when necessary. I spent an hour last night scrubbing down the baseboards with said Windex.

The ants responded by creating an even bigger path from the patio door to the refrigerator, swarming four of the bait stations, and stepping around the rest. I hope this means some of the bait took. I know from experience the sprays are a highly effective neurotoxin, both to the ants and to humans. I'd rather not use them.

I also know from experience that homemade remedies involving honey bait and borax poison do not work. Why? Because Argentine ants are not attracted by sugar. Given sugar, they will swarm it, for sure. They will also swarm water, Windex, Orange-Glo, Pine-Sol, diluted dish soap, bait stations, dead wasps, their newly fallen siblings, dust bunnies, and refrigerators.

The last case happened when I was in grad school. The fridge was particularly old, and the ants particularly mutant. One rainy day, the ants decided to swarm the fridge but none of the food on the counter. The fridge had old seals and so the ants got in. The resulting scene resembled http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Minard.png if you turn the image on its side, picture the freezer on the skinny side on top, and the band made entirely of well-chilled ants.

I spent days shaking the frozen corpses off the peas.

Anyways, the movie "Antz" is all about the survival of the current ant colony thanks to Woody Allen's ant character's neuroses. Forget that. I wish the entire colony would die off and leave my kitchen alone.

Bummed out

They've stopped making Robitussin Cough and Cold liqui-gels.

I am extremely bummed out about this. They were my drug...uh, pharmaceutical...of choice. They were the only thing that worked. Boy howdy, did they work. They sealed up the sniffles and stopped the coughs all in one go, without the nasty taste of cough syrup. They were definitely worth putting my name on that hit list they demand at the pharmacy counter.

Mucinex-D doesn't contain the same active ingredient. It's got pseudophedrine and an expectorant, which is not what I want. I'll hawk a big loogie some other time. I just need to get rid of the coughs (or rather, I will later this week).

So I had to settle for Advil Cold & Sinus (for the pseudophedrine) and a separate bottle of Robitussin Cough Gels (for the cough suppressant). Although it's not the same, I still would have beaten down any meth-head in the parking lot for my pseudophedrine. I need it more than they do.

And for goodness' sake peel the ginger

The skin is nasty to eat. At least wash it before you use it. You don't know where it's been and who else handled it before you, so why would you toss it in the pot as is like the guys on TV do?

Criminy.

Why they're all ripoffs of Cook's Illustrated.

Or, why I post no Chinese recipes.

The Cook's recipes are by far the clearest and easiest to use. Because things are spelled out so well, it's easy to see where you can substitute different ingredients, even if it's not called for.

I don't make stuffed tomatoes or cookies every day, you know. But you would be disappointed with my recipes for Chinese dishes. Case in point:

Braised Chinese Mustard Greens

1 bag Chinese mustard greens (gai choy) (1 bag is the minimum unit they'll sell me)
1 piece (not the entire thing, but enough so the cashier doesn't think you're cheap) ginger, peeled and sliced (Or chunked. The point is no mincing and no paper-thin slices.)
water to cover bottom of pot
dash salt

1. Trim and wash the mustard greens.
2. Find a pot big enough for the greens. Cover the bottom with water and add the salt and ginger. Boil the water.
3. Turn the heat down to medium. Add the greens and cover. Cook until done.

I mean really, there's not much to it.

Stuffed Cherry Tomatoes

Adapted from a Cook's Illustrated recipe.

1 dry pint cherry tomatoes
4 oz goat cheese (most of a TJ log)
6 kalamata olives, rinsed and chopped
1 tbl capers, rinsed and chopped
2 tbl fresh parsley, chopped
drizzle of olive oil

1. Mix the cheese, olives, capers, and parsley. Add enough oil so the mixture holds together.
2. Take the tops off the cherry tomatoes and scoop out their guts. For me, this involved a really small spoon and getting up to my elbows in tomato guts.
3. Spoon the cheese into the tomatoes. I wound up using only half the cheese.

Pros:
* This recipe would be tastier if I had 2 tablespoons olive tapenade, as specified in the original recipe, on hand instead of the capers and olives.
* The cheese is nice on toast.

Cons:
* I thought it could use more olive and less caper. That's what I get for running out of olives.
* I detected a "fishy" taste, which was confirmed by one other person.
* Another person couldn't detect the fishiness, but thought the goat cheese rather strong.
* Gutting a dry pint of cherry tomatoes is surprisingly hard work. Miniature bell peppers would be a better choice as they have a more assertive flavor. However, you'd need to add a squeeze of lemon to the cheese to add a hit of acidity.